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The latest Cultural Satires, updated Jan. 24, 2010 |
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The political satire column, "Flatiron Letter" by Marcia Pally has been published in the "Frankfurter Rundschau" since 2001.
Published in the Frankfurter Rundschau — Jan. 23, 2010
I love Marlene Connolly, age 73, of North Andover, MA. I’ve never met her, but she explained what the pundits could not: why last week a Republican won the Massachusetts Senate seat, held by a Democrat for half a century — not any Democrat but the progressive icon Ted Kennedy, who recently died. And not any Senate seat but the one that gave the Democrats the 60-seats needed to stop a Republican filibuster. And not any filibuster, but the one against Obama’s health care plan.
Massachusetts could kill US health care reform. Or so the pundits screamed. But Marlene knows health care per se was not the issue.
MA voted Republican to “stop the giveaways” and “get jobs going,” Marlene said. “Giveaways” is the great sin — giving people something they did not earn. It violates our sacred “self-reliance,” fair opportunity but no extra help. And it is especially sinful when government gives it to them, for government is the devil that will crush your opportunity and rights.
So any government that doesn’t make itself smaller is suspect. Obama’s bailout package is seen as “giveaways” to rich corporations: bad. Though the Republicans would have given corporations more, they would have regulated less — and that’s “small government.” Good. What Obama did was “socialism.” Obama’s health plan has a government insurance option: bad. It gives health care when people haven’t earned it and enlarges the state. That’s “socialism.”
Brown campaigned as Joe-the-plumber in a pickup truck. He champions tax cuts, “small government.” Good.
I got tired of reading the pundits. Thanks, Marlene, for telling it like it is.
Marcia Pally Flatiron Letter
Published in the Frankfurter Rundschau — Jan. 16, 2010
I saw Avatar, the new hit by James (Titanic) Cameron, on a trip to Berlin. It is the perfect movie—to hate.
If you’re a conservative, you can hate that the bad guys are the US military. If you’re a progressive, you can love that the bad guys are the US military — and hate that the film repeats every self-congratulatory trope of American film-making. Oh yeah, and it’s racist.
To begin, (mostly white) Americans arrive at a wilderness filled with beautifully muscular if naïve natives who are at one with nature. The natives ride speeding horse-birds the likes of every stallion in the Wild West. Some whites befriend the natives (as we say about Thanksgiving); the scientist appreciates and wants to study them (as we say about missionaries). Our Cowboy-Hero, an ex-Marine, gives up his military machismo and becomes one of the natives (America can ever renew itself) Indeed, he becomes the best of them. And so he gets the princess. Think Pocahontas. And he saves them from the bad guys, the environmental despoilers — think Dances with Wolves — because the natives can’t make it without our help. And hey, the hero has to be the white guy anyway.
In the end, the eco-cowboys and the despoiler-cowboys shoot it out. Now that is new. It comes down to a one-on-one duel between Our Hero and the baddest guy. Think High Noon. Guess who wins.
In the first 3 weeks of Avatar’s release, it earned more money than any other film save Titanic itself. But sometimes, it’s just embarrassing to see an American movie when I’m overseas.
Marcia Pally Flatiron Letter
Published in the Frankfurter Rundschau— Jan. 9, 2010
When Superman flew the skies, folks cried out, “It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No — it’s superman!” When Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab flew the skies (to blow up Detroit), folks scream, “It’s an intelligence-gathering failure! No! It’s intelligence-analysis failure! No—it’s bureaucratic turf war!”
On 9/11, the State Department’s top-suspect list had 61,000 names. Only 12 were on the Federal Aviation Administration “no fly” registry. Today, the FAA no-fly list has 4,000 names, but not Abdulmutallab’s.
How do we manage such effectiveness? We might look to an elite military program set up to train 912 experts to work on Afpak for five years. Volunteers receive cultural and language training, and over time build competence so that US policies are guided by people who know what they’re doing.
The US entered Afghanistan in 2001. This program got going in 2009 — which means, I suppose, that US policy has so far been guided by people who don’t know what they’re doing.
To date, 172 have volunteered for the program. But only some are what Joint Chiefs of Staff Adm. Mike Mullen calls the “best and the brightest.” The rest, he said publicly, may not be qualified.
The problem getting good people, it seems, is that the 5-year program diverts volunteers from the usual upward career track. Meaning that if you sign up, your rewards diminish. Meaning the US military created a program which is a disincentive to join.
Why do we think that people who create disincentives for expertise can use the computer “search” function with a list of 61,000 names?
Marcia Pally Flatiron Letter
Published in the Frankfurter Rundschau — Jan. 2, 2010
What have we learned from 2009?: The rich get richer and the rest of us get nowhere. You don’t say. Housing prices are now as they were a decade ago. US unemployment was the same in Dec., 2009 as in 1999. Even in the boom of 2007, median US income was the same or lower than in 1999.
This is because: banks are greedy. No! If you give them billions in a tax-payer bailout, they will spend it--on themselves. This does not mean that governments should allow bank defaults that threaten the global economy. It just means that when they do, banks will be greedy.
More news: wars kill people. How ‘bout that. Wars where the new, “good” Germans fight--like Afghanistan--kill people. This does not mean Germans should not fight. Some wars may prevent greater evil. It just means that when they do, they kill people.
And more: Politicians talk nonsense. No! Think of the amount of talk about why politicians didn’t talk about the military mess in Kundus. Think of the Republicans smearing Obama for missing the almost-attack on Christmas day--while the Republicans themselves missed 9/11. The Republicans smear Obama for trying Guantanamo detainees in court, while Bush tried Richard Reid, the shoe-bomber, in court. The Republican mantra of tax cuts and deregulation gave us an economic meltdown, so their prescription for recovery is--tax cuts and deregulation!
One wonders why we celebrate the new year at all. What’s new? Perhaps the iCar, where the GPS navigates, the robotics drive, and we sleep or watch movies about the good old days.
Marcia Pally Flatiron Letter
Published in the Frankfurter Rundschau — Dec. 19, 2009
After Obama’s Peace Prize speech, the US — left and right — glowed in admiration. From whence this sudden unanimity?
Americans generally agree on two things: keep government small enough to allow for liberal markets. And keep government big enough to fell anyone threatening liberal markets — and the political liberty Americans think economic liberalism brings. In his speech, Obama hit the second: about US actions he said, “Commerce has stitched much of the world together. Billions have been lifted from poverty. The ideals of liberty, self-determination, and equality and the rule of law have haltingly advanced.” And he added, force is sometimes necessary to fight evil and bring “prosperity and peace.”
Reagan, JFK, FDR, Wilson, and McKinley were warmed in their graves. Compare Obama with Herbert Hoover (president, 1928–1932), who said liberal trade is “the only safe avenue” for “human progress.” Or with Cordell Hull (FDR’s Secretary of State): “unhampered trade dovetailed with peace.” This is core America, and whoever hits this note, wins.
The problem is with what America has thought evil and brings peace. Obama cited US efforts in Germany and South Korea; true. But not our interventions in Latin America and Southeast Asia since 1898. Oops, 1893 — Hawaii.
Alas, America has been lousy at seeing where its interventions bring “prosperity and peace” and where, not. Obama is trying to distinguish. But so all US leaders thought they were doing. Anyway, niceties of distinction is not why the nation — left and right — loved his speech.
Marcia Pally Flatiron Letter
Published in the Frankfurter Rundschau — Dec. 5, 2009
The problem with being president is that you’re left with all your predecessors’ messes. Obama has an Afghanistan war bungled by Bush, born of the chaos of the ‘90s, which was born of Bush-the-dad’s neglect of Afghanistan after the Soviets left, which was born of Brzezinksi luring the Soviets into Afghanistan during the Cold War, which was born of Truman’s inability to see that his own suspicion of the Soviets was as responsible as Soviet shenanigans for the 45-year super-power hostility.
We should have a different system: when you become president, you start tabula rasa. I’m working on that time-machine history-eraser thing.
Obama also has another inheritance: ally adolescence—the expectation that America will solve all problems without much help from its friends, who criticize America from the comfort of its secure, America-protected borders. Der Spiegel lambasted Obama’s Afghanistan plan for being paradoxical—apparently without noticing that its own demands on America are: we should destroy the region’s terrorism but not wage war or “impose” on Afghan traditions. And without noticing the balance of Obama’s plan: US withdrawal or present troop levels let terrorism flourish, but failing to set a time for withdrawal imposes too much. So, balance: 1.5 years to fight terrorists intensely, plus economic development and integration of moderate Taliban, and then gradual withdrawal.
Could Der Spiegel be trying to justify Germany’s resistance to involvement? If it has a better plan, I’m sure Obama would like to hear it.
Marcia Pally Flatiron Letter
Published in the Frankfurter Rundschau — Nov. 28, 2009
Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue is a bestseller. 600,000 copies sold in 2 days. People camp out overnight to buy the wisdom of the world’s most famous elk killer. Dang—now I know how to get my research to sell: kill a big animal. How big? It’s Thanksgiving this week in the US. Will a turkey do?
Of course there are other reasons for the book’s success. One learns for instance why Palin despises vegetarians: 'If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come he made them out of meat?' And of course, it is the very first of Palin’s works to be translated into actual English. In person, however, it’s still thrilling to hear the serial syntax-killer from Wasilla High, as she was dubbed last year. “And I think,” she said on her book tour, “more of a concern has been not within the campaign the mistakes that were made…”
Poor Obama. The left screams that he’s conceded to the center/right; the center/right, that he’s conceded to the left--while Palin is building a base from the resentment that is eroding his. She is riding on America’s basic feeling for government: throw the bastards out. Or, as Obama called it, “Change.”
If she sticks to this, she won’t get into the kind of trouble she had in Alaska, when the Republican State Senate President said, "She's not prepared to be governor. How can she be prepared to be vice president or president? " Or when she charged Alaska $21,000 for her children to travel with her. That accusation wasn’t fair anyway. After all, when she leaves her kids at home alone, they get pregnant.
Marcia Pally Flatiron Letter
Published in the Frankfurter Rundschau — Nov. 21, 2009
As a result of a trip to Switzerland where I somehow did not spend enough money, I had some Swiss Francs remaining when I returned to New York. I went to a bank to exchange them. A big bank. One with branches all over the world.
Even big fancy banks never have enough tellers in New York. So you wait on line. For quite a while. I don’t know why, but the volumes of business-efficiency studies that have busied managers since industrialization have made it no likelier that they can count how many minutes customers wait on line.
Never mind. I reached the teller, to whom I gave the Swiss Francs. And then I waited as she typed things into her computer. A very long wait. More typing. Waiting. And so on. Since I can find the exchange rate in 9 seconds on my laptop, I wondered if she was perhaps catching up on her tweeting, or ordering shoes online. After enough time for a complete economic cycle to elapse, she told me that every 50 francs would give me 5 dollars. Since the Swiss-US exchange rate is nearly 1-to-1, I, with my advanced math skills, determined that could not be right. When I suggested there might be a mistake, she shook the money at me and screamed, “These are from France, right?”
France? I didn’t have the heart to tell her they were Swiss. Or to actually look at the bills. Or that France has been using the euros for years.
Very fancy articles have been written about the origins of the 2008 financial crisis. But has anyone considered that it was just incompetence?
Marcia Pally Flatiron Letter
Published in the Frankfurter Rundschau — Nov. 14, 2009
What would we do without celebrations of the Berlin Wall Fall? I love them because they make us feel so good about our march towards liberty.
Because of them, I can ignore the little wall growing between the US and Mexico, built by Clinton, Bush and Obama, now hundreds of miles long. The Mexicans call it the “new Iron Curtain” but it’s a trifle, I assure you. We can evade the increasing controls at Germany’s eastern borders—this time to keep people out rather than in. A mere bagatelle. Why fret about the Poles—who struggled against the old Iron Curtain--now putting up one of their own: new guards and laws against illegal migrants. A soupcon. We can disregard Spain’s increasing controls against the desperate from North Africa. After all, haven’t we always disregarded Spain?
Let’s not vex ourselves that as many people die annually in treacherous crossings into the US than died in all the years of the Berlin Wall. Or that 500,000 unauthorized migrants risk their lives to enter the EU each year.
But if one is a bit vexed, we can recall all the good things that walls bring. The one between the US and Mexico began with material recycled from army supplies in Vietnam. Recycled! A “green” wall. And the boon to employment! US border police doubled in the 1990s and doubled again this decade. Germany’s border police tripled between 1990-2000. Of course, the demand for human smugglers has soared too, to get the desperate past these new police. In these days of economic crisis, we can’t afford to “Tear down this wall!”
Marcia Pally Flatiron Letter
Published in the Frankfurter Rundschau — Nov. 7, 2009
It was not the international bash of 2008 but we had an election this week. Since the Dems lost the governorships of New Jersey and Virginia, it looks like a conservative comeback. It may not be—but let’s hope the Republicans think it is.
It may not be because polls show that both states remain Obama supporters and voted against Dems whom they thought had not helped the economy. The NJ Dem was a Goldman Sachs man and got all the recession-era ressentiment against Wall St. And he hadn’t actually helped the economy. The Republican’s campaign ran Obama clips about “hope.” In Virginia, the young and minorities voted far les than in 2008, so unsurprisingly older, white conservatives voted for a Republican—but even he downplayed his past opposition to gay and abortion rights, disinvited Palin for a campaign appearance, and praised Obama’s Nobel peace prize.
But let’s hope the Republicans think this means a conservative comeback because it will persuade them to pursue the tactics that they used in upstate NY. There, a moderate Republican was running for Congress but because she favors gay and abortion rights and Obama’s stimulus package, right wingers put up a third, conservative candidate. He got an endorsement on Sarah Palin’s Facebook; Republicans across the country rushed to endorse as well. The moderate dropped out of the race. And the right-winger lost.
Election lessons: right-wingers are persuading only themselves. Palin’s Facebook is not where you want to be. And it’s the economy, stupid.
Marcia Pally Flatiron Letter
Published in the Frankfurter Rundschau — Oct 31, 2009
Friends, the rumor is false. It is not true that America is losing her grip—with the economic crisis, health care crisis… Indeed, signs are everywhere that she remains the world leader. Well, not everywhere—unemployment is disastrous, Afghanistan is a mess. But certainly in her 1,200 community colleges.
These erstwhile catch-alls for drop outs have become job-training stepping stones for immigrants and career-upgraders. Obama allocated $12 billion for them. If you’re a cabbie dreaming of opera management, a KFC cashier longing to be in “imaging technology” (Xrays), a manicurist eager to be an electrician, this is the place for you. Education is the key to the future. Who says America isn’t the avant garde?
Enrollment has soared—up 35% in California. 30,000 of Miami Dade Community College’s 170,000 students were closed out of overbooked courses. Holyoke Community College is so crowded it turned its tennis courts into parking lots. Giving up tennis for education! Who says America can’t adapt to changing times?
And who says we can’t change actual time? We give courses 24/7, for students who work. If you’re a nurse on late shift, you can discuss Chaucer from 5:45 to 7:15. Oregon’s Clackamas Community College has welding classes until 2 a.m., if you trust yourself with burning iron at that hour.
Who says America has lost her ingenuity? I have just one question: in Seoul, they give massages ‘round the clock. If the US is so clever, why don’t we? Isn’t that what one needs after nano-technology at 3:00?
© marcia pally, new york 2005